Your Text Messages from the Female Perspective and Why You’re a Creep

Is it just me or are guys actually getting lazier?

Its 2 am, you and your ladies have just rolled in from a night out when suddenly your cell vibrates. It’s your guy friend and he’s wondering what you’re doing right now. You weight your options.

1.)   Stay in with the ladies and watch some movie you wont remembering seeing the next day or…

2.)   Drunkenly stomp across town to hang out with this texting fellow

Texting has made it miserably easy for guys to lay the groundwork for a straight shot into your pants. What happened to holding the door for me? Texting the very enticing “heyyyy” at 1 am doesn’t impress the ladies. In fact, we have actually created a formula in which we can “translate the drunken male text”.

Guys, when it gets to that point in the evening when you’re texting with one eye closed saying things like “wats shakin muh bacon?” its time to put the phone away; you’re not being funny, you’re not being cute, you’re being a creepy horn dog weirdo.

"Is this for real?"

Here are some things to consider when both sending and receiving the late night “booty call text message”;

1.)   The longer that a word has been elongated, (e.g. “hey” to “heeeeyyyy”) is directly related to the level of creep you’re dealing with. I like to personally say the word in my head to see how many seconds the invented word lasts for. Anything over three and you’re dealing with a total lurker.

2.)   We hung out at the same party all night and you didn’t even talk to me. Why now at 3 am are you interested in “How I’m doing?” You might as well just say “How’s it looking down there these days?”

3.)    Some guys try to get clever and play on basic female emotions. The typical “I wish I had someone to snuggle with” is downright shiesty and unforgivable. However clever, you’re still not making me weak at the knees here Romeo.

4.)   Whatever you do, DO NOT ever send a follow up text message. This is inappropriate and aggressive and you’re taking it to far.

If you really need to send that late night text message to that “special” lady friend of yours why don’t you try putting some effort in to it? Remember that anything you send her will be automatically read to the whole female populous in that room so be creative! Corny one-liners and creepy ass invites are just not cutting the cake anymore. We want to be wooed! Sure, texting is the scummiest way to do so but someone will eventually appreciate the effort.

For gods sake! Send an interesting text message…at least try to impress me. Otherwise your going to wake up tomorrow morning, re-read your texts and feel like a bumbling fool after I don’t answer you all night.

-Z

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