Has Anyone Ever Gotten an Orange for Christmas?

With the onslaught of Christmas related advertisement surrounding me wherever I go, I am inspired to hate the holidays.

I am not going to beat around the decorated tree here people, the best part of Christmas is the presents! That estranged aunt whose name you don’t know all the sudden becomes your best friend, you begin dropping subtle hints around friends and family, heck you even have a bookmarks folder on your computer called “things I need to one day posses”.

Yes, the holidays can be great for other reasons too. I can get down with a well decorated nativity set or spending (minimal) time with the family, but the thing I just don’t understand is the tradition of giving children ORANGES.

I remember when it happened to me. I woke up full of life and enjoyment that faithful Christmas morning. I was shocked by the size of my stocking- it most definitely correlated to the amount of gifts I would later receive. I start digging- socks (meh), stickers (alright…), and then at the bottom… four or five oranges! WTF is this? The bulk of my stocking was full of that fruit…don’t my parents know my acid reflux doesn’t allow me to eat these?

And the terror is not even over yet. All month I have noticed more and more advertising for oranges like its something kids actually want. If bad kids get coal, it doesn’t make sense that good kids get oranges- maybe gold bars, a pony, ANYTHING other than oranges.

Remembering my disappointment on that day as inspired me to never give my children oranges (they will probably deserve coal anyway). Kids these days have waaaaay higher expectations. Little Suzy pigtails wants an iPhone, not a food she can easily reach for out of the fridge.

I am by no means suggesting that children deserve iPhones or anything awesome for that matter. Maybe the only way to turn up the humility is to give them oranges and coal. All I know is that I will never accept an orange as a gift ever again.

Thanks for the orange! I'll pretend to enjoy it while you fetch me my real presents.

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